


Rainbow in the Middle of the Dark

by KatieV



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Family, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-30 00:04:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16754023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatieV/pseuds/KatieV
Summary: The night after he found out the truth about his mom, Steven can't really fall asleep. Pearl gives him company.





	Rainbow in the Middle of the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this about 6 months ago right after "A Single Pale Rose" was released on TV. I know it's quite outdated now, but I hope you'll like it anyways.  
> Please be nice to me, I'm not a professional writer and English is not my first language. It's ok to correct my typos and grammar mistakes or give me critiques. Just please don't be rude :)

Steven woke up startled. It was late at night, quiet and peaceful, even the sky was clear outside. He heard the soft rumbling noise of the fridge from downstairs. Everything was okay. Except he felt like someone was watching him.

"Are you okay, Steven?"

He flinched in fear, even though he recognised the voice immediately.

"Pearl," he said quietly. He never really got used to Pearl watching him sleep. "I thought you've stopped doing this."

"I... did. For a while. But..." Pearl blushed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

Steven tried to smile but couldn't.

"It's okay," he said. "I kind of had a bad dream anyway." He laid back in the bed and sighed.

"Well, I'll just... um, go back to my room then," Pearl said awkwardly, and was about to move when Steven suddenly sat up again.

"No, I want you to stay with me." He moved a bit towards the wall, making enough room for her on the bed. "Please."

She gave him a warm smile and sat on the bed. Steven immediately cuddled her, and she hugged him back. No matter how chubby he was, and how much he had grown, his body felt so small and delicate. She could feel him shaking mildly in her arms, but he took a deep breath and tightened his muscles to make it go away. This wasn't about him, after all. Pearl's been through a lot, so he had to make sure she was okay.

"It must have been horrible," he whispered.

"What?" Pearl asked. She had no idea what he was talking about.

"Living with that burden."

"Oh, Steven..." she started, finally understanding him, but he continued, interrupting her.

"For thousands of years."

"Steven, it's..."

"I want to make it up to you," he went on, hugging her tighter. She stroked his hair.

"You don't have to. It wasn't your fault."

"But I'm my..."

"No, Steven," Pearl said. She pulled back and looked into his eyes, resting her hands on his shoulders. "You must understand that you are not responsible for anything that happened before your time. It's not your fault, nor it has ever been. It's nobody's fault. Yes, it was torture." She shivered for a moment. "But it had to happen. And it's over now. I'm finally okay now."

He smiled blankly, though he didn't feel less guilty at all. Deep inside he knew she was right, he didn't have to deal with all the things his mother had left behind, but sowehow it all seemed to be less awful if he could blame it on himself.

"You don't need to care about others all the time," Pearl said softly. "You should care about yourself first. Now, I want to hear how you're feeling."

It was too sudden. His chest felt heavy with all the feelings he had inside. Too many different thoughts, all too complicated. He tried to catch at least a single one of the hundreds of white butterflies fluttering around inside his mind, but he couldn't reach high enough.

"I... I don't know," he answered honestly. Pearl gently tapped his head.

"It's okay, Steven," she said.

"I want to talk about it," he admitted. "It's just... My head is like it's empty and full at the same time, and it's so confusing. I know it sounds silly," he added.

"It's okay," Pearl repeated. "You just need some time. You'll be alright."

He sighed heavily and rubbed his face against her arm, moving a bit closer to her. She could feel his heartbeat through his pyjama top, a feeling she used to loathe so much back then when she first touched that tiny, curly haired baby in Greg's arms, but then it became more and more natural and dear to her with Steven growing older. She pulled him closer and leant her head on his. After a while, his breath turned slower and softer, and his body loosened, and Pearl thought he finally went back to sleep, but she was wrong.

"Pearl," he whispered suddenly. He slowly lifted up his head to look at her, then he took her hands and brought them up to her mouth, just like his mother did so many years ago. It felt awful, so he quickly let her go. "Do you... hate her for doing this to you?" he asked timidly.

"No." Her reply was fast and sounded strong, but he knew there was a lot more behind that one short word.

"She shouldn't have done it," he said. "She made you suffer so much. I thought she trusted you."

"She..."

"She didn't," Steven said in a trembling voice. "You were so loyal to her... You were willing to risk your life for her, and yet she didn't trust you. That's why she did that. She was horrib--"

"She was right!" Pearl said quickly. The last thing she wanted was to hear Steven call Rose Quartz horrible. "She was right about not trusting me. It was her life, her decision, her secret, and I... I wanted to talk about it, even though she asked me not to. I didn't respect her. Sometimes I even wanted to tell Garnet and Amethyst. And I wanted to tell you. She had every reason to give me that order. She knew me too well. I'm the one who's horrible, Steven."

"No!" Steven replied. "I had the right to know. I'm her son, I have her gem, and her shield, and her lion, and everything. And Garnet and Amethyst were following her for thousands of years, they deserved to know the truth. You're not horrible, Pearl. You're just... a better person... than Mom," he finished bitterly.

"Don't say that." Pearl shook her head. "Rose Quartz was the best person ever walking on this planet."

"Yeah, that's what I thought, too," Steven replied. "For the first, like, thirteen years of my life, I think. But then you guys made me realise that people make mistakes and you shouldn't glorify a person and refuse to notice that they have a dark side, too. Mom was horrible. But she was still my mom. And it's hard, and it hurts like hell and makes me want to scream, but I need to try to accept it because I can't change it."

Huge teardrops appeared in Pearl's eyes and started to roll down her cheeks.

"Oh, Steven," she blurted out, holding him closer.

He reached up to her face to wipe her tears away with the sleeve of his pyjama, then brought his hand up to her forehead, gently touching her gem with his fingertips. "How long have you wanted to tell me?" he asked.

"Well... For a while," she replied, still sniffling. "Ever since you were born, I knew it had to be done at some point, but I just tried... not to care. And it seemed to be okay. Until you first heard... about... Pink Diamond. I knew there was no going back. I think... I think I'd been trying to find a way to tell you since that moment. I watched you desperately looking for answers and couldn't do anything to help..." She smiled softly. "I 'd never have thought that a cellular phone could be the key."

Steven chuckled. It was just a very tiny noise, but it was genuine.

"Yeah, that's why I keep telling you that technology is pretty awesome," he said. He was trying to laugh, but it sounded too fake and his voice broke after a couple of seconds. He realised he was trembling again, and this time he didn't have the strength to stop it. "I... I think I'm not okay with this," he whispered, silently bursting out in tears.

"Don't worry. Me neither," Pearl answered, hugging him as tight as possible, stroking his hair comfortingly. "We'll figure this out together, okay?"

"Okay." Steven took a deep breath then let his body relax in Pearl's arms. It was such a warm feeling, so different from any other time she'd held him. He felt closer to her than ever before.

I opened my eyes. The tears were gone, I was huddled up on the bed, hugging my own shoulders. Everything seemed to be so small, and it took me a while to understand why. Looking around in the room, I saw Steven's cat shaped alarm clock on the nightstand. It was 1:16AM. I laid back onto the pillow, spreading my limbs out, smiling peacefully. I could feel Steven's heartbeat inside my chest, and it almost made me want to stay like this forever. So, this is what it's like. This is how Steven and Pearl can make a rainbow in the middle of the dark. I chuckled at my own joke, closed my eyes and fell asleep.


End file.
